So I wish that I could share that this sorority girl is on the mend but not the case. Unfortunately, the hole made by the laces has not healed. This is due to the fact that the stitches pulled out and so lucky me!!! I will be visiting with a plastic surgeon on Monday and making arrangements to hopefully get this surgically taken care of once and for all. Since I am stuck at home and today I can actually type..thought I’d share a little sorority girl wisdom.
Recruitment is hard. The chance that you are “THE ONE”….you know the one with the perfect recruitment. The girl who gets invited back to all of her top houses…to EVERY party. The girl everyone wants..well the chance that YOU are THAT GIRL is just kind of slim. Oh don’t get me wrong one of you who is reading this is/was THAT girl. I had 1 girl this year that was the “IT” girl. She went through recruitment at a large, competitive campus and she had an absolutely perfect recruitment. She went back to every house she liked, went to the maximum amount of houses every day, preffed her top 3 and got her first choice. Yes it was a perfect recruitment.
Today I want to talk about the less than perfect recruitment…the one that had a few bumps and challenges along the way.
We all go into recruitment knowing deep inside that it might not go perfectly but there’s that denial factor…that part that we say in our head, “It can’t happen to me.” And so we forge ahead , knowing we are missing recs, not having the perfect conversation but still confident we will get all the houses back we want..or at least half of our top houses.
Usually we do….after Round 1 parties the majority come back. The confidence builds :). We don’t think about the fact that many of the Round 1 cuts are due to grades (ours are great). So you see it’s Round 2 when the ax falls. Those Round 1 cuts are basically pre-determined…yep it’s true. Round 2 is when the sorority get into their list of girls. Remember this is hard for them as well. There are girls who make connections with PNMs only to find that their sisters don’t feel the same way. Hearts are broken on both side of recruitment…it happens.
So when the Round 3 party card arrives and all of a sudden the houses that we loved…..the houses that just knew were right for us are gone ….well…. we are devastated. Not only devastated, but mad, sad and even a little broken. This is when it becomes personal. It’s hard on the self esteem. Thoughts cloud our mind..Why didn’t they like me?” “What’s wrong with me?” It doesn’t help that girls who are members are telling us they like us, they can see us as sisters, they will our “big” sister and then the next day that house is gone..poof…just gone.
I won’t be the first sorority woman to tell you that members ARE NOT supposed to say those things, for exactly this reason..it sets up the PNM for false hope. Remember ladies no one sorority woman can promise you a bid..nor should they!!
So all of a sudden instead of having a full party card filled with the top houses you now have a card with two houses…neither of which were your first choice. What do you do? My suggestion is to not look back but rather go straight ahead. These houses wanted YOU….they saw something in you that made them think you would make a great sister and so they invited YOU to a special party where they will share just a little bit of “them”….just enough to give you a glimpse of what sisterhood would be like for you.
And so after all of the self doubting and the questioning you buy into the process and you find yourself feeling connected to one of the houses. You begin to visualize yourself calling these women your sisters. The excitement comes back. It would be great if this was true for both of the houses you preffed but no…in a not so perfect world it doesn’t happen that way.
When it comes time to list houses you all know NOT to suicide (write only 1 of the 2 houses down). So you list both…the new “top” house first…and the “I don’t want this house” second…and then you pray. You pray for your first house. You over analyze the party,maybe reading into it more than was actually there but hoping beyond hope that when you open your bid card the next day “THAT HOUSES” name will be staring up at you.
Everything happens for a reason…sometimes we don’t understand at that time and sometimes we never truly understand but life’s that way sometimes. So when you open up that bid card and staring up at you is not the name of “YOUR HOUSE” but rather the house you wanted to erase from your memory what do you do? FAce it you want to cry, yell , throw the card and yep…some girls actually do that! My daughter had a PNM throw her card at her and march out (she was a Rho Chi). The very last thing you want to do is go to that house for Bid DAy. You don’t want to wear THAT jersey with THOSE letters on it.
Some you have called me in this situation…you ask me what to do and here is what I have told each and every one of you. Even though you can’t see yourself in this house the women of that house saw something in you that made them know in their hearts that you would make a good sister. So I have told each and every one of you..”GO” ..go and try it ..you owe this to yourself and to the members of that house.
And….how does it turn out? Well for many of you going was the best thing you did for when you arrived at your new home it was just that…a home. Sisters greeted you, hugged you, told you how happy there were to call YOU a sister!!! Pulling on that jersey didn’t feel so foreign and days later you thank me for sending you.
So for those of you who are reading this a nodding your head because this is your story…I am so very proud of you!! Even if you didn’t end up staying…I am so very proud of you for trying!
For those of you who have yet to go through recruitment…use this as a lesson…read and learn…and good luck!